How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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