She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
