We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
