i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
