Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Do vagina's smell?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
