i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
