I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
