i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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