i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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