I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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