dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize