I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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