weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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