know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
