He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
