Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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