we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
