I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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