Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
