Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
