Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
