Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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