whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
