I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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