And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
