I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
