Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
