would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize