so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
