You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
the liver wants what the liver wants
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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