I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
