There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
