We're like a lot better than the average bears
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
