Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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