i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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