Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
