we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
