You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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