She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize