when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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