I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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