Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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