Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize