you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
