even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Sext me about skeletons
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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