My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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