I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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