dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
