I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
