Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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