he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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