I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
