Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
