just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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