I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
