Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
