I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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