I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
why is half of my head shaved?
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