Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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