At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
