How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
