She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
