ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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