peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
