Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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