it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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