if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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