plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish life had little blips of pornography
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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