The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
