I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I got inside last night via doggy door
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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