One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
