Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
