we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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