walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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