I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancรฉe's engagement ring. FTW!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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