it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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