speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
