I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
They have beer where we have blood.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
