some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
