sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
How external is "for external use only"?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
