wakey wakey hands off snakey
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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