i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
