i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
