I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
