i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
